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And in This Corner
We have Jeremiah Q. Stewart, locally known as One Punch Drunk. His well-deserved reputation has been gained through perfection of his famous punch -- a straight lead with the back of his head to the canvas.

The Floundering Season IS ON, MEn! Grab Yourself a Pair of Trunks and Dive In. The Water's Cold As an Old Maid's Heart -- but It's Still Wet and That's the Thing

There's a real opportunity for some fun and sport for all concerned someplace in all this water. Don't forget the safety regulations, and walk off the end of a pier, just because you're looking at some beautiful girl -- remember your buddy!!

And Speaking of a Floundering
Now's the time to get into shape for all this boxing that is going to happen in the near future.

We had a real boxing team last year, and why shouldn't we repeat?

Everybody had a great time at our cards last year, except the ones who got the short end, and we wouldn't be surprised if they didn't get kick, a boot or a sock or somthin' out of it.

Big Sportscast -- "Ivory Domes" Overcome "Steakburners"
" Hello, children! This Is the IOU Broadcasting System, giving you a blow by blow account of the championship SP-1 volleyball finals between the Barrack 3 "Ivory Domes" and the Overhead "Steak Burners". Hot dog, folks, We're just in time. Here comes the" Steak Burners", amid the jeers of the crowd, both of it. Here's the lineup: "Patrick Michael" Olson, "Four Beans" Stewart, "schnozzola" Shreve, "Egg" Hubbard, "Clarice" Johnson, "Sleepy" Rolf.

"Listen to the crowd roar. Bet he'll be hoarse before the game's old. He pays tribute to the noble "Ivory Domes", who are staggering onto the field now. He cries their names: "Skinny" Tibbs, "Shorty" Langton, "Red Light" Neville," "Buttercup" Hadley, and "Near Beer" Salyers. They flip the coin for serve and "Low" Bridge goes in to replace "Sleepy" who receives a badly mangled hand in the scramble for the tax token. "Schnozzola" leads with his right and "Buttercup" bounces one off the roof for a 3-point landing, putting the Overhead into a neat lead of four touchdowns and a field goal. "Red Light" slams one into the left-field bleachers, killing two men and Orcutt, and incidentally clearing the bases ahead of him. The spectacular play swings the score to 3 down and 2 to kill. Oh! Oh! There'll be a penalty. Jimmie Ross, chief rooter, is biting the umpire. Here's a substitution: Horace Maneuver goes in for the entire Barrack 3 team, and immediately goes to sleep in the middle of the court. This unexpected strategy has the Overhead team fairly gasping among other things. There's the gun, folks, and this titanic struggle is over, with the outcome never in doubt. Barrack 3 wins by 7 beers to nothing. They are going out to wake up the crowd out so he can go home, and we are turning you back to the main studio, where you'll hear our tenor gargle the "Butcher" song. "Butcher Little Arms Around Me." Good Night!!!.....Signing off.