In Our Own Voice
   

Kevin's Mother

KevinNot so much when he was a child, nor when he was a teenager did I believe there was a mental illness on the horizon. I thought it was typical teenage confusion. Looking back what I feel is I should have gotten him help sooner.

He would say things like he was beat, beaten to the point where his head was soft. Or he would talk about talking to the lord or him being a king. Then he would tell me that you're not my real mother, God is my real mother, the angel is my mother. Even that probably I could have dealt with, had it not been accompanied with the rage. I mean for no reason he would get in a rage.

I didn't want him to hurt himself or to hurt anyone else and I didn't want to be one of those people to sit around and wait until something happened.

I am so opposed to taking medication. I don't believe that should be the first course of action. Kevin has reached a point where he needs some sort of intervention. But I think he's overmedicated.

He's been alone for so long now, that even when he's feeling better I don't think he can act in a manner that a lot of people would believe is normal, because he's been away from people for so long. He's missed out on a lot of things that has been going on in the world.

I would probably ensure that he's on medication as long as he needs to be, but my ultimate goal is to get him off medication and well. Is that possible? I don't know. That's just my hope.

What I would like to convey to other people who might be in the same situation as I that they shouldn't be so hard on themselves when something like this happens because when Kevin was initially diagnosed I started trying to go through out family history, trying to figure out what happened in his upbringing that would have brought something like this on and I have come up with an answer. It just is. So rather than be hard on yourself or hard on that person, just make the decision and deal with it and be supportive to the individual that's having the problem. And be understanding; be really understanding and not too serious. I think that's the main thing is not to be too serious. What I found is when we talk about it and laugh about it; we can get through it.